Planning on making your pilgrimage to the Big Apple? Are you ready to dive into the maelstrom of hipsters, rude locals, pushy street vendors, inscrutably lame “performance artists”, clueless tourists, offensively smelling cabs, gangsters, bikers, and the odd celebrity surrounded by bodyguards and a swarm of paparazzi? Is there a worse fate than being beaten by Madonna’s bodyguards? Well, yes – you may have to talk to her afterward.
In the meantime, if you plan on making it out alive, here are some places you might just want to stay away from.
10. Rockefeller Center
It’s where David Letterman tapes his show. David Letterman will be retiring next year. Who will replace him? Do you suppose hanging around this overcrowded Babel of foreign tourists, pushy bauble vendors, snooty yuppies, and rude locals will yield you any precious clues?
The famous Christmas tree draws in thousands of tourists every year, and the ice rink is overpriced, overcrowded, and garish. The shops are generic in every detail but price (like brand label hipster jeans, you’re paying extra for the words “New York” on your receipt).
If you’re seriously into ice rinks, you’re better off visiting nearby Bryant Park. As for shopping, Rockefeller Center bisects two famous Village neighborhoods. You can head East for cheaper and West for the fancy stuff (bring mucho dinero).
9. Central Park at Night
Is it dark out? Don’t go to Central Park. They filmed several “Death Wish” movies there for a reason, and even Charles Bronson himself was injured in several of them. How much better will you fare?
You’re better off going the safe route and taking a quick hansom cab ride around the perimeter. Yes, horses are slow but you’ll live to avoid the remaining world famous eyesores on this list.